How To Breakup with Someone

As I said in the last post, every relationship goes through 3 phases.

The final phase is "accommodate or evacuate."
If you decide to evacuate the relationship, to breakup, there's a right way and a wrong way to do that.

The wrong way looks like this:

The right way to breakup has 3 parts:

1) Figure out exactly why you're breaking up with the person.
Here's a list of possibilities:
* I've changed. I'm not the same person I was when I started dating you.
* I don't think we really communicate well.
* We argue too much.
* I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone right now.
* You are way too controlling and I have a life that doesn't revolve around you.
* There is way too much drama in your life.
* We have different morals and they just aren't meshing together.
* Your expectations of relationship are different than mine.

Those are all good reasons. So, if you want to breakup with someone at least take the time to figure out why. It will save you from being mean or talked out of your decision in the next step.

2) Have the conversation.
Breaking up is hard to do, but at least have the decency to tell the other person yourself. Don't send a friend to do it. And do it face to face if you can. The other person deserves to understand what's happening and, just in case they didn't see it coming, to ask you why (that's why the first step was so important).

In the conversation try to focus on why it's important for you to move on rather than making statements about what's wrong with the other person. So instead of, "You always..." or "You never...", you would say, "I just don't think this relationship is what's best for me right now."

And if you're the one being broken with, don't try to convince the person not to break up with you. You might make them feel bad enough to reverse their decision for now, but the relationship won't be the same as before they tried to break up with you. And they'll eventually break up with you again, and when they do it will probably hurt even worse.

3) Keep your distance.
The distance should be both physically and socially, at least for a while.
Don't gossip about it. Don't talk trash about the other person.
Don't keep calling them. Don't keep apologizing.

Just be respectful of that person's feelings, update your relationship status and take the pictures off Facebook, give it a rest, and let it blow over. Things will be normal again, I promise.

Related Posts:
What You Really Want in a Boyfriend or Girlfriend


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